Self-care in Today's hectic world

Today's guest post is written by the dynamic Rashida Golden Jolly, LICSW.  Rashida is an exceptional social worker, housing advocate, and all around wealth of wisdom.  

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(Photo Credit: Emergency Wall: Self-Care Tips that Work by Jessica Huynh)

Self-care practices vary from person to person and often means finding the time in an already very busy day to give back to yourself. What this means looks different to everyone and I encourage you to do whatever works best for you to create relaxation, harmony and calmness. As a busy mom of two young children balancing a full time job, self-care often means enjoying the silence of my morning commute over a cup of coffee and choosing not to allow work that I’ll be facing soon enough to bleed into that sacred time. I have come to really value my commute as my time of solitude and try and use them for self-reflection, planning, reading or listening to music and setting a positive tone for the day. Not only do I try to avoid working before I get to work where possible, but I also try not to engage in conversation or exchanges that don’t lend to starting the day on a bright note. How you start off your day sets the tone for the remainder of the day.

As a woman, I find that our tendency to be nurturing can sometimes create guilty feelings around being “enough” for everyone. So many of us are mothers, daughters, parents, friends and caretakers in some capacity. It can be difficult to feel like you are giving enough to your relationships when spread in different directions. Over the past few years I have really been trying to actively honor myself by saying no and not feeling bad when I either can’t commit to something or don’t wish to. It’s a small step, but it’s helpful in honoring myself by not over committing and being true to myself about how I wish to spend my time.

I listed some tips below that I try to use to guide me to keep myself centered, positive and forward moving. I also subscribe to Shine. You can either download the app or choose to receive texts during the week with motivational advice and articles.

• Value quality over quantity- Even small amounts of time spent with people that you love, doing things that you are passionate about and/or things that contribute to a healthier, happier you are always good! 
• Choose your “circle” wisely -pay attention to the company that you keep. Don’t be afraid to reduce time spent or sever relationships with negative influences, energy vampires, constant complainers and gossipers. 
• Take regular mini breaks from all people and things. We all always need some space to be with ourselves and focus our energy internally. Don’t apologize for that. When you put yourself first, it allows you to focus and be present when engaging with the ones that you love. 
• Adopt a solution focused approach. Is something really bothering you? If so, what action steps can you put in place to resolve the issue, however small of a start? Are you ready to move beyond discussing/complaining about the issue? If not, try and quiet the conversation within yourself until you are. 
• Monitor your patterns and self-talk- thoughts become beliefs. Treat yourself with the same love and care that you would a loved one. Give your dreams and aspirations a place within yourself to flourish from. Respect your talents and ambitions. When people in your life observe the tenderness that you treat yourself with, they will follow suit. 
• Be empathic but not an enabler- You can support loved ones during difficult times, but if you recognize that someone is not taking any action steps around problems in their life, you don’t have to co-sign counterproductive habits or negative self-talk to demonstrate love and encouragement. People typically make moves to start making changes on an individual basis when they feel most ready. 

A big thank you to my friend and colleague Shayla Simmons for inviting me to write a post. Although she does not give herself this credit, Shayla is a true example of genuine positivity. There’s no way that you can’t feel great after spending even just a few minutes with her!