Self-care in Today's hectic world

Today's guest post is written by the dynamic Rashida Golden Jolly, LICSW.  Rashida is an exceptional social worker, housing advocate, and all around wealth of wisdom.  

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(Photo Credit: Emergency Wall: Self-Care Tips that Work by Jessica Huynh)

Self-care practices vary from person to person and often means finding the time in an already very busy day to give back to yourself. What this means looks different to everyone and I encourage you to do whatever works best for you to create relaxation, harmony and calmness. As a busy mom of two young children balancing a full time job, self-care often means enjoying the silence of my morning commute over a cup of coffee and choosing not to allow work that I’ll be facing soon enough to bleed into that sacred time. I have come to really value my commute as my time of solitude and try and use them for self-reflection, planning, reading or listening to music and setting a positive tone for the day. Not only do I try to avoid working before I get to work where possible, but I also try not to engage in conversation or exchanges that don’t lend to starting the day on a bright note. How you start off your day sets the tone for the remainder of the day.

As a woman, I find that our tendency to be nurturing can sometimes create guilty feelings around being “enough” for everyone. So many of us are mothers, daughters, parents, friends and caretakers in some capacity. It can be difficult to feel like you are giving enough to your relationships when spread in different directions. Over the past few years I have really been trying to actively honor myself by saying no and not feeling bad when I either can’t commit to something or don’t wish to. It’s a small step, but it’s helpful in honoring myself by not over committing and being true to myself about how I wish to spend my time.

I listed some tips below that I try to use to guide me to keep myself centered, positive and forward moving. I also subscribe to Shine. You can either download the app or choose to receive texts during the week with motivational advice and articles.

• Value quality over quantity- Even small amounts of time spent with people that you love, doing things that you are passionate about and/or things that contribute to a healthier, happier you are always good! 
• Choose your “circle” wisely -pay attention to the company that you keep. Don’t be afraid to reduce time spent or sever relationships with negative influences, energy vampires, constant complainers and gossipers. 
• Take regular mini breaks from all people and things. We all always need some space to be with ourselves and focus our energy internally. Don’t apologize for that. When you put yourself first, it allows you to focus and be present when engaging with the ones that you love. 
• Adopt a solution focused approach. Is something really bothering you? If so, what action steps can you put in place to resolve the issue, however small of a start? Are you ready to move beyond discussing/complaining about the issue? If not, try and quiet the conversation within yourself until you are. 
• Monitor your patterns and self-talk- thoughts become beliefs. Treat yourself with the same love and care that you would a loved one. Give your dreams and aspirations a place within yourself to flourish from. Respect your talents and ambitions. When people in your life observe the tenderness that you treat yourself with, they will follow suit. 
• Be empathic but not an enabler- You can support loved ones during difficult times, but if you recognize that someone is not taking any action steps around problems in their life, you don’t have to co-sign counterproductive habits or negative self-talk to demonstrate love and encouragement. People typically make moves to start making changes on an individual basis when they feel most ready. 

A big thank you to my friend and colleague Shayla Simmons for inviting me to write a post. Although she does not give herself this credit, Shayla is a true example of genuine positivity. There’s no way that you can’t feel great after spending even just a few minutes with her!

Life in Peace(s)

Today's post comes from the amazing Cherie Eaves, who among many other things is the writing force behind My Kids Therapy Jar.  Read today's post and then head over to http://www.mykidstherapyjar.blogspot.com to read more of her awesome writing!

Let’s face it…Life can be HARD.  Society seems to be structured to create maximum stress and minimal support and connections.  We spend our days running from errands to job to church to school and start it over again the next day….for days, weeks and months on end.  We eat in our cars, sleep on our couches and live on our phones and other “smart” devices.  While there are advantages to all of the modern conveniences we have, the information accessible at our fingertips; they, and our busy schedules also keep us separated, distracted, unbalanced and unfulfilled.  Sometimes we are so busy, it seems as if we have to tear ourselves into pieces to manage the many roles we have.  For mothers, especially, this can be grueling….we are parent/nurturer/caregiver, spouse, co-worker/boss, chief cook, bottle washer and taxi service.  By the time we finish the many “jobs” we hold, we rarely have time for ourselves, our own self-care.  How do we put ourselves together again after being split in pieces day after day?

How do we find peace when we are in pieces?

Let’s talk about triangles for a moment…okay, bear with me, I know no one has time or patience for a math lesson right now.  But I’m going somewhere with this…  Triangles have 3 sides.  No matter the length of the sides, a triangle must have 3 of them…if not, it is no longer a triangle and it is no longer able to stand.  Likewise, we need harmony with mind, body and spirit to help us maintain balance in this hectic world. Taking the time to nurture the mind, body and spirit are vital to finding peace—to putting our pieces back together again.  Just as a triangle is not a triangle if a side is missing, so too, we are not ourselves without taking time to care for our pieces.

As Moms we often feel we are losing our minds (“Stop touching your sister.” “Eat your vegetables.”  “No ketchup is not a vegetable.”)….and on and on.  Our minds are often filled with lists and charts and “must-do’s.”  We go to bed and instead of the rest we seek, we find ourselves rest-less.  How often do we take the time to re-set, quiet the mind?  We have to feed the mind just like we feed the hungry mouths around our dinner table.  Reading…from novels to business articles and political news, are one way to feed the mind.  Learn a new language.  Take a class.  I know…you are asking yourself just how am I supposed to add one more thing to my already packed schedule?  But Momma, you are worth it.  We are worth it.  Even if you have to find time to read in the bathroom (lock the door because you KNOW the little ones are busting in.)  Feeding your mind, challenging yourself to learn and grow are a part of a healthy, balanced life. 

Just like the mind, we must feed the body…and no, I do not mean potato chips.  I mean, I LOVE potato chips, but can’t really feed God’s temple with potato chips as fun as that may be.  In all seriousness, we do have to take care of the body God gave us.  Healthy, organic foods, as close to their natural state do a body good.  The next time we tell our kids to eat our veggies….we should also, eat our veggies.  And Exercise!  I know, I know.  Who has time for that??  But make time.  For you, because, again, you deserve it.  Whether you love dancing (I admit, I dance around the house all the time), or hitting the gym, or taking long walks with the kids and the significant other….schedule it.  Just do it.  (Sorry Nike…)  I know I tend to  sleep better and feel better overall when I add a little exercise to my day.

And the Spirit….often the most neglected piece.  We can’t see it, taste it touch it, but oh we can feel it.  That spirit that makes us, “us.”  When we are out of balance spiritually, we feel it in so many ways. Through service to God and fellow man, I find peace.  If it floats your boat, attend the house of worship of your choice.  If serving the homeless community at the shelter feeds your soul, then do it.  Doing good, feels good and helps to create an undeniable sense of peace and well-being within.  Meditation is also another way to find harmony of spirit.  I don’t know about you but I find it difficult to still my mind and restless spirit during meditation.  The noise of the world wants to intrude but I keep trying because spiritual well-being is crucial.  I highly recommend getting your “ohm” on!

Mind, body, spirit—the triumvirate of peace.  As a busy Mom, I know the challenges of nurturing self.  It seems selfish, even self-indulgent to close the door and read a chapter, or take a bath.  It takes extra effort to meal prep or hit up the organic aisle (more money too…why are you so expensive Whole Foods???)  It takes time and practice to meditate or attend a worship service.  But the reward?  Peace.  Peace of mind, peace of body and peace of spirit.  As life does its best to pull us in a million directions and keep us in pieces…I am actively choosing to find harmony and live my life in peace(s).

Mental Health and Spirituality

Today's post is written by Sister Elder Iasia Bailey, who has an M.A. in Human Services and Family Counseling. She is a metaphysical scholar, a poet, and motivational speaker and can be reached at asiawrites@gmail.com.

In 2013 The Huffington Post posted an article about Spirituality being the key element of Mental health. The writer inferred that the power of a patient’s spirituality and belief in God was the golden ticket to better treatment outcomes. I agree and had wished there was a more in depth discussion of why.

I believe, we must look at our existence holistically. The connection between Mind, Body, and Spirit is essential when considering the Total function of the individual. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and both are offspring of spiritual health. Mental health is an umbrella for many other aspects of being such as emotional health.

Without knowledge of self, knowing what you really are, it becomes difficult to maintain the holistic healthy function of the entire being. So what are you? You are spiritual energy being expressed on the material plane. Your inner reality is intangible, however it receives stimuli from your outer reality. When there is a breakdown of function of either mind body or spirit, it impacts the function of the whole. The separation of body, mind, and spirit is an illusion. They are interwoven with spirit being the ideal foundational support of the other two. Therefore the ideal condition is that spiritual health promotes health to the mind and body because spirit expresses through mind and body.

If you are able to accept yourself as spirit and affirm that spirit expresses through mind, then you can understand that spirit has a direct connection to the health of the mind. However, if it is hard to see yourself, your true self as spirit, then any other concept of a relationship between the health of the mind and body through spirit is not possible.

The power to be healthy to heal lies in where we are spiritually. There is a saying, “you are what you eat”. Let's remove the word eat and insert the word consume, “you are what you consume”. We consume not only physically but mentally. What are you consuming regularly? Whether if that which you are consuming is internal or external if its garbage that's what you will produce. And a consistent diet of garbage will eventually produce an adverse mental condition.

Let's look at Romans 8:5-6 (KJV) For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Life and peace are most desired conditions. When we speak of life we also speak of health, good, and abundance. The spiritual mind is preventive medicine!

The mind is powerful. And if it is not fed of the spirit, governed by the spirit and led by the spirit, the mind has the ability to create a reality that is a mere illusion that the external has perpetuated. This happens most when the spirit is not allowed to function as it should.

Mental illness is the absence of mental health, or healthy function of mind. Mind is consciousness. The mind is the seat of perception of the things we see, hear, and feel (Fillmore). Thus the cohesive relationship between Mind and spirit, is important in mental health. And the healthy function of that relationship can promote mental health, and additionally I believe has the power heal.

Most of us have been in a place where we no longer felt we were in control mentally or really dealing with reality mentally. I’ve come through my own mental struggles. But the more I learned about myself, and my awareness of God and spirit and the relationship between God and man increased, I was able to do two very important things. The first is the ability to discern whether or not I’m at a healthy productive mental state. And the second is to tap into the inner resource, give way to the inner man, increase the movement of spirit and open myself to receive of The Holy Spirit, to bring healing and peace and any trouble of mind I may be exprecing because of certain external conditions or what I like to call internal neglect.

Spirit is what we are. Its Powerful and if we allow it to have dominion over lives, we can find ourselves consistently rooted in Isaiah 26:3 (KJV) Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.



References:

Ingrid Peschke, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/ingrid-peschke/spirituality-and-mental-health_b_3348434.html

Fillmore, Charles. Metaphysical Bible Dictionary.