Self-care in Today's hectic world

Today's guest post is written by the dynamic Rashida Golden Jolly, LICSW.  Rashida is an exceptional social worker, housing advocate, and all around wealth of wisdom.  

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(Photo Credit: Emergency Wall: Self-Care Tips that Work by Jessica Huynh)

Self-care practices vary from person to person and often means finding the time in an already very busy day to give back to yourself. What this means looks different to everyone and I encourage you to do whatever works best for you to create relaxation, harmony and calmness. As a busy mom of two young children balancing a full time job, self-care often means enjoying the silence of my morning commute over a cup of coffee and choosing not to allow work that I’ll be facing soon enough to bleed into that sacred time. I have come to really value my commute as my time of solitude and try and use them for self-reflection, planning, reading or listening to music and setting a positive tone for the day. Not only do I try to avoid working before I get to work where possible, but I also try not to engage in conversation or exchanges that don’t lend to starting the day on a bright note. How you start off your day sets the tone for the remainder of the day.

As a woman, I find that our tendency to be nurturing can sometimes create guilty feelings around being “enough” for everyone. So many of us are mothers, daughters, parents, friends and caretakers in some capacity. It can be difficult to feel like you are giving enough to your relationships when spread in different directions. Over the past few years I have really been trying to actively honor myself by saying no and not feeling bad when I either can’t commit to something or don’t wish to. It’s a small step, but it’s helpful in honoring myself by not over committing and being true to myself about how I wish to spend my time.

I listed some tips below that I try to use to guide me to keep myself centered, positive and forward moving. I also subscribe to Shine. You can either download the app or choose to receive texts during the week with motivational advice and articles.

• Value quality over quantity- Even small amounts of time spent with people that you love, doing things that you are passionate about and/or things that contribute to a healthier, happier you are always good! 
• Choose your “circle” wisely -pay attention to the company that you keep. Don’t be afraid to reduce time spent or sever relationships with negative influences, energy vampires, constant complainers and gossipers. 
• Take regular mini breaks from all people and things. We all always need some space to be with ourselves and focus our energy internally. Don’t apologize for that. When you put yourself first, it allows you to focus and be present when engaging with the ones that you love. 
• Adopt a solution focused approach. Is something really bothering you? If so, what action steps can you put in place to resolve the issue, however small of a start? Are you ready to move beyond discussing/complaining about the issue? If not, try and quiet the conversation within yourself until you are. 
• Monitor your patterns and self-talk- thoughts become beliefs. Treat yourself with the same love and care that you would a loved one. Give your dreams and aspirations a place within yourself to flourish from. Respect your talents and ambitions. When people in your life observe the tenderness that you treat yourself with, they will follow suit. 
• Be empathic but not an enabler- You can support loved ones during difficult times, but if you recognize that someone is not taking any action steps around problems in their life, you don’t have to co-sign counterproductive habits or negative self-talk to demonstrate love and encouragement. People typically make moves to start making changes on an individual basis when they feel most ready. 

A big thank you to my friend and colleague Shayla Simmons for inviting me to write a post. Although she does not give herself this credit, Shayla is a true example of genuine positivity. There’s no way that you can’t feel great after spending even just a few minutes with her!

Life in Peace(s)

Today's post comes from the amazing Cherie Eaves, who among many other things is the writing force behind My Kids Therapy Jar.  Read today's post and then head over to http://www.mykidstherapyjar.blogspot.com to read more of her awesome writing!

Let’s face it…Life can be HARD.  Society seems to be structured to create maximum stress and minimal support and connections.  We spend our days running from errands to job to church to school and start it over again the next day….for days, weeks and months on end.  We eat in our cars, sleep on our couches and live on our phones and other “smart” devices.  While there are advantages to all of the modern conveniences we have, the information accessible at our fingertips; they, and our busy schedules also keep us separated, distracted, unbalanced and unfulfilled.  Sometimes we are so busy, it seems as if we have to tear ourselves into pieces to manage the many roles we have.  For mothers, especially, this can be grueling….we are parent/nurturer/caregiver, spouse, co-worker/boss, chief cook, bottle washer and taxi service.  By the time we finish the many “jobs” we hold, we rarely have time for ourselves, our own self-care.  How do we put ourselves together again after being split in pieces day after day?

How do we find peace when we are in pieces?

Let’s talk about triangles for a moment…okay, bear with me, I know no one has time or patience for a math lesson right now.  But I’m going somewhere with this…  Triangles have 3 sides.  No matter the length of the sides, a triangle must have 3 of them…if not, it is no longer a triangle and it is no longer able to stand.  Likewise, we need harmony with mind, body and spirit to help us maintain balance in this hectic world. Taking the time to nurture the mind, body and spirit are vital to finding peace—to putting our pieces back together again.  Just as a triangle is not a triangle if a side is missing, so too, we are not ourselves without taking time to care for our pieces.

As Moms we often feel we are losing our minds (“Stop touching your sister.” “Eat your vegetables.”  “No ketchup is not a vegetable.”)….and on and on.  Our minds are often filled with lists and charts and “must-do’s.”  We go to bed and instead of the rest we seek, we find ourselves rest-less.  How often do we take the time to re-set, quiet the mind?  We have to feed the mind just like we feed the hungry mouths around our dinner table.  Reading…from novels to business articles and political news, are one way to feed the mind.  Learn a new language.  Take a class.  I know…you are asking yourself just how am I supposed to add one more thing to my already packed schedule?  But Momma, you are worth it.  We are worth it.  Even if you have to find time to read in the bathroom (lock the door because you KNOW the little ones are busting in.)  Feeding your mind, challenging yourself to learn and grow are a part of a healthy, balanced life. 

Just like the mind, we must feed the body…and no, I do not mean potato chips.  I mean, I LOVE potato chips, but can’t really feed God’s temple with potato chips as fun as that may be.  In all seriousness, we do have to take care of the body God gave us.  Healthy, organic foods, as close to their natural state do a body good.  The next time we tell our kids to eat our veggies….we should also, eat our veggies.  And Exercise!  I know, I know.  Who has time for that??  But make time.  For you, because, again, you deserve it.  Whether you love dancing (I admit, I dance around the house all the time), or hitting the gym, or taking long walks with the kids and the significant other….schedule it.  Just do it.  (Sorry Nike…)  I know I tend to  sleep better and feel better overall when I add a little exercise to my day.

And the Spirit….often the most neglected piece.  We can’t see it, taste it touch it, but oh we can feel it.  That spirit that makes us, “us.”  When we are out of balance spiritually, we feel it in so many ways. Through service to God and fellow man, I find peace.  If it floats your boat, attend the house of worship of your choice.  If serving the homeless community at the shelter feeds your soul, then do it.  Doing good, feels good and helps to create an undeniable sense of peace and well-being within.  Meditation is also another way to find harmony of spirit.  I don’t know about you but I find it difficult to still my mind and restless spirit during meditation.  The noise of the world wants to intrude but I keep trying because spiritual well-being is crucial.  I highly recommend getting your “ohm” on!

Mind, body, spirit—the triumvirate of peace.  As a busy Mom, I know the challenges of nurturing self.  It seems selfish, even self-indulgent to close the door and read a chapter, or take a bath.  It takes extra effort to meal prep or hit up the organic aisle (more money too…why are you so expensive Whole Foods???)  It takes time and practice to meditate or attend a worship service.  But the reward?  Peace.  Peace of mind, peace of body and peace of spirit.  As life does its best to pull us in a million directions and keep us in pieces…I am actively choosing to find harmony and live my life in peace(s).

Mental Health and Spirituality

Today's post is written by Sister Elder Iasia Bailey, who has an M.A. in Human Services and Family Counseling. She is a metaphysical scholar, a poet, and motivational speaker and can be reached at asiawrites@gmail.com.

In 2013 The Huffington Post posted an article about Spirituality being the key element of Mental health. The writer inferred that the power of a patient’s spirituality and belief in God was the golden ticket to better treatment outcomes. I agree and had wished there was a more in depth discussion of why.

I believe, we must look at our existence holistically. The connection between Mind, Body, and Spirit is essential when considering the Total function of the individual. Mental health is just as important as physical health, and both are offspring of spiritual health. Mental health is an umbrella for many other aspects of being such as emotional health.

Without knowledge of self, knowing what you really are, it becomes difficult to maintain the holistic healthy function of the entire being. So what are you? You are spiritual energy being expressed on the material plane. Your inner reality is intangible, however it receives stimuli from your outer reality. When there is a breakdown of function of either mind body or spirit, it impacts the function of the whole. The separation of body, mind, and spirit is an illusion. They are interwoven with spirit being the ideal foundational support of the other two. Therefore the ideal condition is that spiritual health promotes health to the mind and body because spirit expresses through mind and body.

If you are able to accept yourself as spirit and affirm that spirit expresses through mind, then you can understand that spirit has a direct connection to the health of the mind. However, if it is hard to see yourself, your true self as spirit, then any other concept of a relationship between the health of the mind and body through spirit is not possible.

The power to be healthy to heal lies in where we are spiritually. There is a saying, “you are what you eat”. Let's remove the word eat and insert the word consume, “you are what you consume”. We consume not only physically but mentally. What are you consuming regularly? Whether if that which you are consuming is internal or external if its garbage that's what you will produce. And a consistent diet of garbage will eventually produce an adverse mental condition.

Let's look at Romans 8:5-6 (KJV) For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Life and peace are most desired conditions. When we speak of life we also speak of health, good, and abundance. The spiritual mind is preventive medicine!

The mind is powerful. And if it is not fed of the spirit, governed by the spirit and led by the spirit, the mind has the ability to create a reality that is a mere illusion that the external has perpetuated. This happens most when the spirit is not allowed to function as it should.

Mental illness is the absence of mental health, or healthy function of mind. Mind is consciousness. The mind is the seat of perception of the things we see, hear, and feel (Fillmore). Thus the cohesive relationship between Mind and spirit, is important in mental health. And the healthy function of that relationship can promote mental health, and additionally I believe has the power heal.

Most of us have been in a place where we no longer felt we were in control mentally or really dealing with reality mentally. I’ve come through my own mental struggles. But the more I learned about myself, and my awareness of God and spirit and the relationship between God and man increased, I was able to do two very important things. The first is the ability to discern whether or not I’m at a healthy productive mental state. And the second is to tap into the inner resource, give way to the inner man, increase the movement of spirit and open myself to receive of The Holy Spirit, to bring healing and peace and any trouble of mind I may be exprecing because of certain external conditions or what I like to call internal neglect.

Spirit is what we are. Its Powerful and if we allow it to have dominion over lives, we can find ourselves consistently rooted in Isaiah 26:3 (KJV) Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.



References:

Ingrid Peschke, https://www.huffingtonpost.com/ingrid-peschke/spirituality-and-mental-health_b_3348434.html

Fillmore, Charles. Metaphysical Bible Dictionary.

Spirituality, Mental Health, and Self-Care

Today's guest post comes to us from Jewell M. Simmons, the creative force behind Hormones and High Heels.  Read her thoughts on Spirituality, Mental-Health and Self-Care below, and then head over to Hormones and High Heels to discuss, inspire, learn & laugh while exploring the realities of women and girls on a journey of womanhood.  

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Spirituality is our intimate gifted relationship with Supreme Intelligence.

And contained within this gift is Power and Wisdom and Light and Love that springs forth into our beings.

Spirituality and Power is an internal refuge where we draw our strength and ability to exist and create. 

Spirituality and Wisdom is the inner voice that speaks, guides, and implores our process as we navigate through our life cycle. 

Spirituality and Light is our interior trust and honor that God has a purpose for our life.  

And Spirituality and Love is our within that outwardly demonstrates our spark of Divinity.

  

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No wonder David said in Psalm 139:14  “I will praise Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are Thy works and that my soul knoweth right well”.

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So armed with this insight and holding Spirituality as the central theme in this trilogy of connection between Spirituality, Mental Health and Self Care, I am encouraged.

 And for a moment, I want to stay on this side of the equation.  You know how they say “give me the good news first…” When we access our Power and Wisdom and Light and Love, our minds find solace and a quiet place to sit, think well or not, and just be grateful.  Because ultimately, our minds need to rest, be still, be comforted, and pampered with wondrous and wonderful imaginings and ideas and stories and laughter.  And though we may not always be mindful about our minds the truth is that our mental well-being is dependent upon our ability to welcome and engage in relaxation, repose, kindness, gentle thoughts, sounds, and colorful things.  And not just at night when we go to bed.  That is for sleep. But I am talking about purposeful and planned time to caress our mind in a soothing embrace of ease.  This profound and life sustaining union between Mind (Mental Health), Body (Self Care) and Spirit (Spirituality) is the ultimate love relationship, safe-guarding our being and keeping our sanity intact and from under attack. 

Acts of Self Care and of Mindfulness are ultimately our expressions of Power and Wisdom and Light and Love that we give to the world.  By doing so we are saying I am valuable, I am worthy, and I am an example of what God wants you to know.  So what are some of those actions and behaviors and choices and decisions?  They are what causes us to eat a meal that will create energy and provide us with healthier outcomes for our bodies, or performing an activity that will increase our muscle mass and produce a facial glow from the accomplishment of the task, or maybe even reading a book that will stimulate our brain activity and take us to galaxies within the realm of God’s majesty where we may become acquainted with our potential because He/She/It materialized it in our minds and hearts.   Positive Self Care and Mental Health Well-Being in concert with Spirituality is about letting the possibilities of life catch you doing things that leave you invigorated and captivated, frightened and excited, reaching, pursuing, stumbling and then straining toward that Light/promise that God has purposed for you. 

But before we go any further, let me correct my own self regarding what I said just a moment ago about the good news - there is no downside to what happens within this combination of Spirituality, Mental Health and Self Care. 

  However, I live and exist in this world and know that we have been and will be challenged by the trials, tribulations, troubles, turbulence and tantrums that befall all of humanity at one time or another.  Some things we will stand against and others we won’t be able to withstand, some things will put unimaginable pressure on us and some things will knock us down, and then some things will bow us low and others will leave us on our knees.  Spiritual showdowns, mental molestation and bodily battles will come up.  Some we will win, others we will lose and still others we will tap out on or draw a tie.  Oh yes, for as long as we are on this side of the soil, all of those things will individually or collectively find their way back to our mind address, heart city, and spiritual zip-code.  Some we will give directions to and others will google us.

All the more reason to get back to the Power and Wisdom and Light and Love that is ever-present and available as an aspect of Spirituality.  And we take that and gel and knead it into our mix of Mental Health and Self Care and come to the knowledge and understanding that we cannot exist as a schism.  All of these components dwelling in harmony are necessary for healthy and holistic living. 

Too many of us brothers and sisters live in shame and isolation due to our imperfections and as a result we don’t get the assistance needed to bring us back to or as close to wholeness as we can be. 

Let me express it this way,

It may not always pretty but a limping man can walk.

 And truth be told, we all have a limp but it just may not be in our limbs and therefore outwardly or readily apparent.   

 However, through utilizing the fruits of Spirituality, we can raise the quality of our mental health outcomes and self-care behaviors so that our limp is not only less noticeable but less debilitating.  And while Spirituality sits at the helm, its’ engagement for positive results in Mental Health and Self Care render it as part of a reciprocal relationship.  We need not be embarrassed to receive these blessings because Supreme Intelligence gave cures and therapies and apparatus and medicines and scientific minds to scientific minds so that we could appreciate and relish in the benefits of His beneficence.

My limp is my unique opportunity to share my experience of the Divine.  I don’t always get it right but I have learned and continue in the lessons of  using my Spirituality to refocus, calm and discipline my raging and rage-filled, unruly, far-flung passions and passionate, stagnant and stuck thoughts, and behaviors when my mental health needs to be realigned, re-positioned and settled down and my body needs me to make better choices for sustaining, strengthening and respecting its’ capacity and responsibility.  I need this trilogy / my triplets to be in harmony so that my Power is disciplined and balanced, and my Wisdom is rightly directed and utilized, and my Light is brightly and appropriately illuminated and my Love is experienced and shared in the fullness and truth of itself. 

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“I will praise Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are Thy works and that my soul knoweth right well”.

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Panelist Profile: Kathleen Sousa

The wisdom in each Wisdom Workshop comes from the talented panelists who share their knowledge and experience with us.   The first panelist we are going to feature is a licensed independent clinical social worker in both the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the State of Rhode Island.  We are proud to have Kathleen A. Souza, MS, MSW, LICSW join us!

My initial education and experience began while attending the Community College of Rhode Island in their Mental Health Counseling Program while employed as a Mental Health Counselor-Community Outreach with the Providence Community Mental Health Center. I graduated with honors having received an AA Degree in Mental Health and was inducted into the National Junior College Honors Association. 

I went on to enroll and graduate from Roger Williams University in Bristol, Rhode Island with a BS Degree cum laude in Social Services. I continued to increase my education and developing experience while attending Leslie University in Cambridge, Massachusetts receiving a MS Degree in Management. I continued to develop my skills in the field of Mental Health/Health striving to reach my goal to become a Social Worker and entered into Rhode Island College Master Social Work Program in North Providence, Rhode Island where I received a Master of Social Work Degree (MSW). 

My education and experience journey has helped me to understand and work with many diverse populations; to be non-judgmental; to begin any intervention where the client (s) is/are; to understand that only when the mind, body and spirit are in sync can there be any real change; and as a “mandated reporter” to maintain the Social Work Code of Ethics.

Spirituality. Mental Health. Self Care.

As we continue to prepare for the Wisdom Workshop on Spirituality, Mental Health, and Self-Care, we have invited guest bloggers to contribute their voices to the conversation. Today's guest post comes from Romney Donald. Read more about her at the end of this post.

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Some people will describe spirituality as a feeling and not want to confuse it with religion. I believe that an individual’s idea of spirituality to them, is just that, what they envision it to be. For me, my spirituality is rooted in my faith, which represents the love I have for Jesus. Take some time to think about what spirituality means to you. While we are in this change of season, consider how you can refresh your spirituality. What does that look like to you?

September is Self Care Awareness month and I believe this is especially fitting for the upcoming change in the season. As we are all switching gears from the warm sunny days to falling leaves and windier days, what better time to check in with ourselves? It is important to take care of ourselves because we tend to have the habit of putting others first, consistently. If we neglect to take care of ourselves, we really won’t be much good to those that we do want to help and take care of. It’s incredibly easy to get caught up in a routine where we are constantly moving, but it is imperative to carve out that “me time” and show yourself some love.

So what are some ways that we can practice self care? The answer to that can vary of course, depending on the person. We all have different ideas of what it may look like to put our needs first and that could include, sitting on the couch uninterrupted for a bit and binge watching your your favorite Netflix show. Maybe you want to check out a yoga class, or try a new restaurant by yourself. There is not wrong or right answer to what self care looks like to you, as long as you are willing to prioritize making it happen.

Another avenue of self care appears in the form of therapy, which can be beneficial to your mental health. While doing things that make you happy is important, there may also be times that that just isn’t enough. Consulting with a licensed therapist or counselor, may also be in your best interest. The resources are endless and doing the work in therapy is worth it. Many times people do not know where to start when looking for a therapist, luckily in this age of technology, that obstacle is a thing of the past.

I have personally attended therapy sessions off and on since I was in college. My first experience with a counselor was during my Freshman year, following a bad breakup and learning about my father having cancer. When I look back on this time, I am very proud of myself for seeking the help that I desperately needed. As time went on, I became a mother, worked full time and focusing on myself was not a priority.

Last year I lost 2 jobs within months of each other and I was certain God was telling me that I need to pause, take care of me and trust in Him. Instead of applying for more jobs, I filed for unemployment, enrolled into school and searched for a therapist. I really wanted to maximize on my time that I was not working by doing things that would be beneficial to my growth, spiritually and mentally. Completing my degree has been on my “to do list” for years and it was nearly impossible to make happen. Not working for a few months allowed me to put myself in a position where I was my own priority.

Searching for a therapist was not challenging, but finding someone who was right for me is where I had to be realistic. My non-negotiable was that my therapist had to look like me because I would not feel comfortable otherwise. There are great resources such as TalkSpace.com, that allows you to find a therapist that you would communicate with through live videos, text and even audio messages. Websites such as TherapyForBlackGirls.com, has an entire directory of black women that are therapists! Lastly, PsychologyToday.com can also show you therapists in your area and even includes a photo.

In my opinion self care aligns with mental health and spirituality and we can only benefit by being aware of all three.

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Romney Donald is a single parent to an incredible 7 year old, named Nia Sarai. She enjoys spending quality time with her daughter and she strives to ensure that Nia is exposed to endless opportunities. At the moment, Romney is completing her Bachelor's Degree in General Studies with a Social Science concentration. Her expected graduation date is December 2018 and she plans to continue this educational journey to pursue a Master's Degree in Counseling. Follow Romney's journey on instagram @momtonia.

Spirituality... Mental Health... Self-care... Oh my!

Once upon a time, spirituality and religion were considered an indication of mental illness.  This is an understandable assumption when you consider the atrocities committed all over the world in the name of God, or in the name of the church, or because someone claimed that the voice of God told them to do something.  As time has gone on, however, scientists have begun to measure the positive impact that religion and spirituality have on both mental and physical health.  In fact, now it is believed that people who have regular spiritual practices are better able to deal with the highs and lows of life.

As for me, I strive to be a more spiritual person.  Every day I plan to pray, meditate, exercise, eat reasonably well (although I do like unhealthy snacks), be nice to people, be nice to myself, drink water, and get closer to God.  Of course I also have my regular job, my responsibilities in church, and my family.  Its a lot to juggle, and in order preserve my sanity (my mental health), I write things down... ideas, plans, goals, prayers, wishes, hopes... they all go into my planner so that I have some semblance of order, and I can maintain balance.

Somehow, this is all related to self-care.  My homie Alex says, "I noticed that when I am spiritually fulfilled or enlightened, that my mental health does not plague me as much and I feel that my overall physical health is in tact (no pains or aches).  Is there a connection?  Is it mind, body, soul; soul, mind, body; or body, soul, mind?"

Over the course of the next few weeks we are going to explore the relationship between spirituality, mental health, and self-care, culminating in a Wisdom Workshop on October 20, 2018, where three experts will share their perspectives on the topic in person.  Follow our journey on this blog, and on our Facebook page.  Hopefully we will learn something together!